Anxious Minds!

"Mommy, is it Christmas yet?"
"How many more days?"
"I wonder what Santa will leave me?"
The questions stream on and on from my boys.  I try to appease them with my stories, but their anxiousness just seems to multiply by the minute!
I have tried hard to make this season about JESUS and his birthday and I'm trying not to lose my mind when these little men continually ask what I think are such selfish questions!  I know, give them a break; they are three and four.......but come on!
Our Elf on the Shelf is helping I must say....

confessions of uneasiness

Recently a very wise friend introduced me to an exceptional book.  Thank goodness it's a quick read, because it's given me the opportunity to reread it a few times; each time reflecting upon different facets of my life--this book has spoken so boldly to me it's left me feeling uneasy. 

Main Entry: uneasiness

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: self-consciousness

Synonyms: awkwardness, embarrassment, uncomfortableness

The book discusses how we have several "you's" within us.  As I was reading, several people came to my mind as I critiqued and analyzed the connections I made.  Again while reading, I critiqued and analyzed the me that I truly am.  Is the real me differnt than what I project to others?  Is the real me different then who I used to be....uggg yes!  Am I absolutely striving to be the "me" that I want to be?
I've admitted many times that I'm not the mom I thought I would be.  In some ways better and in others worse.  As my boys wrestle from dusk to dawn I grow weary and impatient and wonder why this has to be so dang hard?!? Am I the most uplifting and encouraging wife I want to be? I give my friends advice that I don't even follow myself. Am I always true to my word like I want to be?
 I don't always behave the way I want to...again, so dang hard!

Here is a verse that became an anchor to me back in highschool......still working on this!

Romans 7:19 (The Message)
17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

Alligning my behavior with the "Me I Want To Be" will maximize my potential...I've got to do this!

Cultivating Gratitude

_

"I want that NOW!"

 "I feel like it"

 "Because I wanted to".....

"I wish"

"Hurry up"...

"I deserve that"

Oh what familiar words in this world; whether they be said by me, my boys, students or whomever.  This weekend while my family was waiting in the Starbucks drive through for TEN whole MINUTES, Ryan and I discussed how it was "just coffee" how hard could it be to speed things up!  It's crazy how we feel so entitled to whatever it is we want at the given moment. 

I typically think of myself as a very grateful person, in fact, I loathe the fact that some people rarely say thank you. 

 Going through the motions of our weekend, I caught myself seeming ungrateful at times. We did some sorting, organzing, and purging of many items. Ryan is the expert in organizing and purging asI tend to drag my feet and roll my eyes when he asks if we really need the fondu pot that is still in the box unopened. I have clothes in my closet I've never worn, but still hesitate to get rid of them. Shoes fight for space in the hallway closet, yet I complain I need more. I get aggrevated when Ryan tells me we need to "tighten up" our budget. I was annoyed when I couldn't get all the items I wanted at the Gap.  I become impatient that my house doesn't have the space I would like it to.  The list truly goes on and on.

Thank heavens I came upon this verse below...

Philippians 4:11-13 NIV

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

I've been reminded that by nature we are NOT grateful. I have some work to do, it seems.
"Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back in praise....if not, it turns into PRIDE and I then yearn for more."
I am learning to be GRATEFUL in all circumstances for he has given me more than I could ever imagine!

Working BACKWARDS!

Working Backwards!

Why would I name this post so crazily?

Well, for several reasons.
One:  I have FAILED to stay current on my blogs due to the business of life and plan to start updating from the past to current, hence the name, "Working Backwards".

Two:  Sometimes I feel like I'm truly doing things in a backwards manner.

Three:  I've been reminded from an educational standpoint and a biblical standpoint that to "work backwards" will indeed get us the results we want.Yeah!!!! I'm not so crazy afterall.  Let me explain.

  As teachers, we look at the assessment first.  What will the students be tested on?  What do we expect them to achieve at the end of a unit of study?  After we've carefully looked at that assessment, we then must put into practice the modeling, the instruction, and allow the student the guided practice to master the end result.

Today, while talking with my dear grandmother who is rejoicing in the full 85 years of life she's been granted. I was reminded that looking at the end assessment in life is what it's all about.  God has laid his "assessment" before us.  We know what he expects!

Micah 6:8 He has showed you, O man, what is good.

And what does the LORD require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

In our conversation today, she had mixed emotions about tomorrow as she volunteers at the Hospice House for her last time.  I stand in admiration of this woman who for years has put her Lord first.  Serving others, showing his love unconditionally to her family and friends, and walking humbling before her savior in good times and bad. She has invested her time well! May we not ignore the examples God has given us to help us prepare for our "end assessment".

living well

Psalm 90:12

 So teach us to number our days,

That we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Health has been on my mind a lot lately.  Caring for two sick boys takes a toll on the whole household in some way or another.  I think my washing machine has been going a mile a minute for a week.  As I watched my boys laying around lifeless and looking so out of sorts, I was still learning about them.  They didn't complain of pain or tremble in fear when rushing to the toilet for the umpteenth time; they just rolled with it!  I was the one complaining and trembling-- I was annoyed and scared as my child lay his head on the kitchen counter.

As we survived this small bout of the stomach flu.....I'm still reminded of sickness and health. 

 As I write this, Ryan is away serving a fallen Marine's family. 

A family friend or ours has just begun running the unknown race of cancer. 

Another woman has just met her maker after battling cancer for years. 

Another family member is caring with her dad through the same disease. 

SICKNESS SURROUNDS US....everywhere. 

May I prioritize my days and spend them as I should!

joyful appearances

These past couple weeks have been filled with different struggles and happy celebrations!  In so many aspects of my life I feel completely endowed---our life isn't perfect, BUT most days I can see God's grace and gifts abounding.

Joy appears in these places:

A husband, that no matter how annoyed he may be with me, continually

befriends me

knows how to communitcate with me

loves me through my craziness

lends me a helping hand!

My family, no matter how close or far away, without hesitation

prays for me

supports me

and laughs with me through life!

Our firstborn, who, oh yes, tries our nerves but still
wants to pray when he hears an ambulance
almost every morning, tells me he wants to just see Jesus!

Our secondborn, no matter how chaotic our home is, manages to
bring us peace
sing beautifully
dance with spirit!

Our babysitter, that we trust or boys to daily, who
is Godly
consistant
and makes my boys smile!

My God, no matter how many times I fail him

picks me back up and reminds me that I can do

ALL THINGS THROUGH HIM THAT GIVES
ME STRENGTH!

Lately, I've become raw by so much strife in this world...disease, death, addictions, gossip, infidelity, the consequences of divorce-- this list could just go on and on.  I just needed to take some time to list a few of my celebrations.

May I learn not to worry about the evil on this earth, and may I learn how to guide others through their storms and prepare my heart and soul for my own!  Oh, to be more like HIM!

1 Thessalonians 11-12
Stay calm; mind your own business; do your own job. You've heard all this from us before, but a reminder never hurts. We want you living in a way that will command the respect of outsiders, not lying around sponging off your friends.

cleansing

Monday I hurried to clean my house before it was time to pick up the boys from daycare.  This consisted of closet straightening, laundry folding, vaccumming, dusting, and even a few lucky windows became free of fingerprints. 

 I looked at my dust cloth in the midst of my dusting and I couldn't help but compare this cleaning binge to the cleaning and purging we sometimes need within our own lives.
Sometimes you just have to wipe away dirt to see the beauty again!  I need to take time to make sure things are in the proper places.  Dust is natural, however, too much can cause probelms and take away the fascination.

 It's so easy to neglect or postpone daily chores.  When we neglect daily chores the pile only gets bigger and then it takes even more energy to complete the task. When I get lazy and choose to put off my chores my house is messy, we trip over things, and feel bogged down by our surroundings.
 Why do I put off till tomorrow what I should do today?  How can I neglect somethings in my life?  Why do I choose to only clean a few windows....I should have done them all!

 If we want a healthy home, we have to care for it and give it proper maintenence, afterall....everything I've chosen to put in my home deserves to feel cared for and sparkly.

CeCe Winans Live In ATL Performs--"I Surrender All"

May I be a wise and strong enough woman to truly, holy, SURRENDER ALL to my Father who delights in me. This world is not for me to understand!

"A small trouble is like a pebble. Hold it too close to your eye and it fills the whole world and puts everything out of focus. Hold it at a proper distance and it can be examined and properly classified. Throw it at your feet and it can be seen in its true setting, just one more tiny bump on the pathway of life." - Celia Luce

peace

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 6-7 
I admit, I'm a worrier and actually always have been and of course this worry has multiplied after becoming a mother.  God's word tells me to give this worry to him. To trust him and he will take over my mind and heart.  This verse is a pillar in my life and I am soooo thankful nothing is too hard for the Lord!

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--PUT IT INTO PRACTICE. And the God of peace will be with you.  Philippians 4:8-9

soaking it in

Just some pictures from our mini trip to the Children's Indianapolis Museum!

Ulitmate Blog Party Newbie!

Welcome!
I'm spreading my wings a bit and participating in the 5 Minutes for Mom Blog Party. I truly have no clue what I'm doing in this "blog-world" and am hoping I can find some lifers to coach me along.
As instructed, some details about me!
I'm a wife, mommy, and teacher trying to make my Lord proud everyday--I consider myself a lifelong learner and hope to instill this in my little men. 

I do a lot of things I said I would never do as a mom and I'm finally beginning to be at peace with that!  My house is not always clean. I allow my kids to sleep in my bed.  My kids often go too long without haircuts.  Laundry can often me found stacked on my dining room table.  And for the big one......I allow my boys to watch Spongebob!  Like I said....I'm beginning to be at peace with all that.

My blog is entitled Another Joyful Day because I'm a happy person trying to grow a joyous home where all dwellers will find their special place.

May we never miss a moment to find simple joy--so go ahead and join me with a smile~

-Kendra

still a baby?

babies...
God's miraculous gift to this world.  My youngest sister and her husband have recently blessed our family with a bright-eyed, wide grinned, perfect baby boy.  He's perfectly handsome and just right-- what a joy it is to watch my sister shine in motherhood. (she musta learned from her sisters)

 Before I became a momma I had the priviledge to scope out a lot of other momma's skills. My middle sister.....friends....even strangers.  

 How they loved their babes, I could only guess.  How they worked and raised a family, I had no clue the mystery.  How they held it together...I assumed was not that big of ordeal.  Come on now after all...I grew up with two younger sisters...I babysat through highschool.....went  away as a nanny...not once but three times. I was an aunt to my middle sisters glowing little girls. On top of all that-- I instructed and managed classrooms of other peoples' babies.  I could do this!

Today, my youngest sister, so yearning to keep her little man a small bundle,  asked, "Do you ever wish Carrson was still a baby?"  I quickly replied-- "No, It's so nice to hear my baby now tell me I look pretty even with huge, velcro rollers in my hair!"

Spiraling thoughts then whirled in my mind.  Bittersweet this mothering thing is--I do somewhat wish I could still secure them so tightly on my chest in the Baby Bjorn for there I was their feet they didn't fall and get bruises--I could turn their perfect faces toward me to shield them from imperfections of this world.  I could decide the what's and the how's.

  Hind sight is always perfection.  Maybe I  would try not to be so uptight and anxious about so many trivial issues...but as these boys grow I love them more and more.  We're bonded now in a snug way that's different from the baby bonds that occured in the Baby Bjorn. I could never prepare myself for this connection....ever.

 So, to my sister Amanda who I'm so glad asked me the question.....No (sigh) (breathe) I can say I'm glad my boys are growing into their own.  Afterall, they both know they will ALWAYS be my babies.

where is home?

An inspiring blogger that I follow enticed her readers to think about where home is in your house.  What is the lively room that brings giggles, joy, and maybe even hints of disaster to your home? 

Where is the life of my home......?

Well, for our house, it would have to be mommy and daddy's bedroom.  I have been begging and pleading with myself and Ryan too to make this a pretty place. 

  In this room, hang no curtains.

  This room has an old coat of blah paint accented with lil boys' fingerprints and my least favorite old, plain woodtrim.  In this room, the carpet is stained with popsickle juice but you'd never even know that due to the heap of laundry that blankets the area!  The bed is never made, baskets of laundry gather here-some dresser drawers are closed (my husband's) and most are open with clothes hanging out or even our cat nestled down within.  It's a sight to behold, TRUST ME!

I have been begging myself and Ryan too to make this a pretty place.

As I step back and look again at this room; IT IS A PRETTY PLACE it's more than pretty--I was awakened here....I can't believe I just said that!  As I sit here typing,  tears are flowing down my cheeks in shame--I've been looking at this all too wrong. 

This room is the room that fastens my family together.  This bedroom is our nest.  I can remember this place before our children....I  remember crawling on the then, so tidy floor, thinking I was going into labor but not so sure as Ryan counted the minutes between my contractions.  I can remember bringing home our firstborn son to this room --it was my safety place to go to nurse him.  I  remember crying tears of joy and worry when I brought my secondborn into this room 14 months later not so sure how I was gonna pull this mommy of  two thing off. 
Yes, it may not be photographed anytime soon for master bedroom of the year, but we craft memories here. We experience disagreements, agreements, and daily routine here. Our almost four year old tiptoes here most nights at 2 am because he loves it so much.  Whether we are all four cuddled under the covers watching Spongebob pleading for more room and shouting for more covers or whether we're eating breakfast in bed waiting for mommy or daddy to get the next family member dressed, this is the eye of our home.  Sick kids are whisked off to bed here, diapers are changed here, mommies makeup and hairbands can be found in every crevice and cranny and let me add my wedding ring was even lost in this room for TWO LONG WEEKS.

Most mornings we rush like a whirlwind in and out of this dwelling without any regard to what the day will hold.  Today, and from here on, may I look at this room as a family masterpiece painted by young artists waiting to fill every nook of the canvas.  Celebrate!

he did it for US.....Easter

Oh what a joyful day!

This was the first year the boys truly were able to experience the happiness of Easter.  The festivities began with an impromptu egg hunt produced by our friend Dan...he came over and nested the eggs in our yard.  The boys had a ball and couldn't get to the eggs fast enough.  They were just glowing! Gotta just love that the so called Easter baskets they're gathering with--Carrson's was actually his trick-treating bag--  They didn't care.  They just ran and searched like wild boys.

Part two of our Easter began with church and then celebrating with Ryan's side of the family. 

I must say I'm quite proud listening to Carrson talk about what Easter means.  He doesn't miss a beat when tellling his version of the meaning of Easter.

Something like this:  "Mom, Jesus died for us.  The bad people were killing Jesus and they put him on the what's that called again mom?  Cross.  Then he was in a tomb for 3 months, I mean 3 days.  The ground shook and the stone like a boulder rolled away and JESUS IS ALVE!"

Yes, Jesus is alive!

Although it's refreshing to watch your lil guys chasing after eggs and asking where the bunny is; I'm ever grateful for this day too. 

What an amazing God I serve that washes us white as snow.  We are no longer chained to sin; by his grace we are free......Oh how he loves US!

family strings

There are so many days when I stand embarrased and in anxious disbelief about what my treasures are doing around me.  Some moments can be filled with little boy's frustrated screams and clomping feet of someone being chased and another one being the chaser.  They can literally be so loud that they can't hear me...they tune me out, run past me on a desperate mission.

  Once the chaser has caught his prey, round two then begins.  This is when mama attempts to, again, stop the madness followed with some type of consequence and "will you forgive me" routine.  Of course, during the whole chase I wish they could just enjoy one another and be best friends!

This last Thursday, Noah went to Michigan to spend a few nights with Grandma and Papa and cousin Grant Man.  This was the first time he would spend the night without his brother.  Noah couldn't cram enough blankets fast enough into his green overnight backpack. He was excited.  He was ready.

But....Carrson... was confused. Ryan and I talked it up to him that he would get some special time with us.  We would go to the movies and take him on a date.  In fact, we did have a great "date" with him. However, the thought of his first friend NOAH JACK never left his mind.  As much wonder and loneliness an almost 4 year old heart and mind can have, my boy had. 

 Yes!  This was a good thing.  He did appreciate and "want his Noah back"after all.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

boo-boo

"Noah, where did you get that scratch on your leg?"  "I got it at the boo-boo store, mom!"

What a guy on this JOYFUL DAY!

small and mighty

(Carrson took these picures!!!)

I can remember the day I learned I would be a mother of two.

I was so in shock--absolute shock!  How could it be that I would be pregnant just after mothering my firstborn for only 5 months!  (ok, we all know how it happens, I'm just saying!)

I wasn't ready yet..How would I ever love another baby?  I can remember soothing my thoughts by picturing another Carrson.  Wow, how dare I even begin to imagine what God was creating!

Little did I know this guy would steal my heart and everyone that comes to know him. 

My Noah Jack is just what I needed.  He has these eyes just caputure and pierce into your soul. His voice is the softest and highest tune to be heard.  On days when I think I could just bubble over he gets me............

EVERYTIME!

Lima Beans

Last week I walked into Carrson's classroom to see him sitting at his work area memorizing every detail of a lima bean there is. He was waiting patiently for his VIP....me! Instantly my eyes filled with water (as usual) when he greeted me with his ear to ear smile and even a hug! Ahh, I think I could've sat and watched him all day. He very politely made his way around the room using his "exuse me's" and "thank you's" to ge to the work he wanted.

He was proud.
He was confident. He was a big boy showing me the ways of his world!
I was proud
I was confident
He was a big boy showing me the ways of his world!

enough

Need I say more?

bubbles

Wrinkly toes.....prunning fingers......lots of giggles and splish, splash, splash!
These two princes truly bathed for 1 hour today. They just love BUBBLES and beg me to squirt in, "MORE, MOMMY, MORE?" Today they were blanketed in soft, white overflowing bubbles due to the fact that we were were at the bottom of the bottle that got to be their new pour toy. WHEW.....my boys smelled good today~
May their scent be sweet to all because they are the sweetest smelling perfume of my world!!!

Listen to bowskm01s Playlist

I'm What......BLOGGING?

Hmm.....We'll see how this goes... How long can I keep up with blogging our happenings? Do I have the time and enough words to convey what happens in a day in my world? Do I have the energy to record my thoughts, emotions and discoveries?


Blog #1...Here it goes!

• As February 2010 comes to an end I have so much to be thankful for. My new job seems to be a new added highpoint to my life. It's been a learning curve but most of the time I've managed to keep up...I've adopted the motto, "Fake it, till you MAKE IT!" I work with an amazing group of people that seek to make life better for boys and girls and that truly ROCKS!



• MY BOYS....all 3 of them, continue to be the CONSTANT joy in my days. Ryan still travels often and gets pulled away at the drop of a hat BUT we hang on and proudly join him in his new job journey that continues to bring a plethera of questions to our family. We pray our way through those questions and we, of course, find God faithful.

Ryan never ceases to amaze me with his kindness and passion for us as a family...I'm blessed to have this man, truly!

• Carrson: " 1, 2, 3....A, B, C...wait mommy what does that say?" His brain is justa blooming and soaking everything up. He's growing before our eyes and we often stand in amazement of the hurdles jumped since he started Montessori School. WOW! He asks me the sweetest questions, "Mommy, what does God look like, I want to see him." "Why do we dream, Mommy?" " Mommy, why are some people not happy?" Those questions seem to be the most commom lately? Yesterday he actually ventured in changing Noah's Diaper and getting him dressed for me in the morning....now, that's growth!



• Noah Jack: "I want to color." "Mommy, can I have a snack?" "That's mine!" "Mommy, can we get a new baby?"


• Noah is a lil guy with a big heart, big voice, and big eyes that just get ya everytime! I just put his name in the lottery to attend the same school as Carrson; this troubles my heart and mind as I want to hold on to his babyhood for as long as possible. I'm losing grip, though! Trusting that we make the right decision for this happy little man!

Another yes, JOYFUL day!