reflections

Looking Back...and taking time to reflect--2010

Anxious Minds!

"Mommy, is it Christmas yet?"
"How many more days?"
"I wonder what Santa will leave me?"
The questions stream on and on from my boys.  I try to appease them with my stories, but their anxiousness just seems to multiply by the minute!
I have tried hard to make this season about JESUS and his birthday and I'm trying not to lose my mind when these little men continually ask what I think are such selfish questions!  I know, give them a break; they are three and four.......but come on!
Our Elf on the Shelf is helping I must say....

confessions of uneasiness

Recently a very wise friend introduced me to an exceptional book.  Thank goodness it's a quick read, because it's given me the opportunity to reread it a few times; each time reflecting upon different facets of my life--this book has spoken so boldly to me it's left me feeling uneasy. 

Main Entry: uneasiness

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: self-consciousness

Synonyms: awkwardness, embarrassment, uncomfortableness

The book discusses how we have several "you's" within us.  As I was reading, several people came to my mind as I critiqued and analyzed the connections I made.  Again while reading, I critiqued and analyzed the me that I truly am.  Is the real me differnt than what I project to others?  Is the real me different then who I used to be....uggg yes!  Am I absolutely striving to be the "me" that I want to be?
I've admitted many times that I'm not the mom I thought I would be.  In some ways better and in others worse.  As my boys wrestle from dusk to dawn I grow weary and impatient and wonder why this has to be so dang hard?!? Am I the most uplifting and encouraging wife I want to be? I give my friends advice that I don't even follow myself. Am I always true to my word like I want to be?
 I don't always behave the way I want to...again, so dang hard!

Here is a verse that became an anchor to me back in highschool......still working on this!

Romans 7:19 (The Message)
17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

Alligning my behavior with the "Me I Want To Be" will maximize my potential...I've got to do this!

Cultivating Gratitude

_

"I want that NOW!"

 "I feel like it"

 "Because I wanted to".....

"I wish"

"Hurry up"...

"I deserve that"

Oh what familiar words in this world; whether they be said by me, my boys, students or whomever.  This weekend while my family was waiting in the Starbucks drive through for TEN whole MINUTES, Ryan and I discussed how it was "just coffee" how hard could it be to speed things up!  It's crazy how we feel so entitled to whatever it is we want at the given moment. 

I typically think of myself as a very grateful person, in fact, I loathe the fact that some people rarely say thank you. 

 Going through the motions of our weekend, I caught myself seeming ungrateful at times. We did some sorting, organzing, and purging of many items. Ryan is the expert in organizing and purging asI tend to drag my feet and roll my eyes when he asks if we really need the fondu pot that is still in the box unopened. I have clothes in my closet I've never worn, but still hesitate to get rid of them. Shoes fight for space in the hallway closet, yet I complain I need more. I get aggrevated when Ryan tells me we need to "tighten up" our budget. I was annoyed when I couldn't get all the items I wanted at the Gap.  I become impatient that my house doesn't have the space I would like it to.  The list truly goes on and on.

Thank heavens I came upon this verse below...

Philippians 4:11-13 NIV

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

I've been reminded that by nature we are NOT grateful. I have some work to do, it seems.
"Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back in praise....if not, it turns into PRIDE and I then yearn for more."
I am learning to be GRATEFUL in all circumstances for he has given me more than I could ever imagine!

Working BACKWARDS!

Working Backwards!

Why would I name this post so crazily?

Well, for several reasons.
One:  I have FAILED to stay current on my blogs due to the business of life and plan to start updating from the past to current, hence the name, "Working Backwards".

Two:  Sometimes I feel like I'm truly doing things in a backwards manner.

Three:  I've been reminded from an educational standpoint and a biblical standpoint that to "work backwards" will indeed get us the results we want.Yeah!!!! I'm not so crazy afterall.  Let me explain.

  As teachers, we look at the assessment first.  What will the students be tested on?  What do we expect them to achieve at the end of a unit of study?  After we've carefully looked at that assessment, we then must put into practice the modeling, the instruction, and allow the student the guided practice to master the end result.

Today, while talking with my dear grandmother who is rejoicing in the full 85 years of life she's been granted. I was reminded that looking at the end assessment in life is what it's all about.  God has laid his "assessment" before us.  We know what he expects!

Micah 6:8 He has showed you, O man, what is good.

And what does the LORD require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

In our conversation today, she had mixed emotions about tomorrow as she volunteers at the Hospice House for her last time.  I stand in admiration of this woman who for years has put her Lord first.  Serving others, showing his love unconditionally to her family and friends, and walking humbling before her savior in good times and bad. She has invested her time well! May we not ignore the examples God has given us to help us prepare for our "end assessment".

living well

Psalm 90:12

 So teach us to number our days,

That we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Health has been on my mind a lot lately.  Caring for two sick boys takes a toll on the whole household in some way or another.  I think my washing machine has been going a mile a minute for a week.  As I watched my boys laying around lifeless and looking so out of sorts, I was still learning about them.  They didn't complain of pain or tremble in fear when rushing to the toilet for the umpteenth time; they just rolled with it!  I was the one complaining and trembling-- I was annoyed and scared as my child lay his head on the kitchen counter.

As we survived this small bout of the stomach flu.....I'm still reminded of sickness and health. 

 As I write this, Ryan is away serving a fallen Marine's family. 

A family friend or ours has just begun running the unknown race of cancer. 

Another woman has just met her maker after battling cancer for years. 

Another family member is caring with her dad through the same disease. 

SICKNESS SURROUNDS US....everywhere. 

May I prioritize my days and spend them as I should!

joyful appearances

These past couple weeks have been filled with different struggles and happy celebrations!  In so many aspects of my life I feel completely endowed---our life isn't perfect, BUT most days I can see God's grace and gifts abounding.

Joy appears in these places:

A husband, that no matter how annoyed he may be with me, continually

befriends me

knows how to communitcate with me

loves me through my craziness

lends me a helping hand!

My family, no matter how close or far away, without hesitation

prays for me

supports me

and laughs with me through life!

Our firstborn, who, oh yes, tries our nerves but still
wants to pray when he hears an ambulance
almost every morning, tells me he wants to just see Jesus!

Our secondborn, no matter how chaotic our home is, manages to
bring us peace
sing beautifully
dance with spirit!

Our babysitter, that we trust or boys to daily, who
is Godly
consistant
and makes my boys smile!

My God, no matter how many times I fail him

picks me back up and reminds me that I can do

ALL THINGS THROUGH HIM THAT GIVES
ME STRENGTH!

Lately, I've become raw by so much strife in this world...disease, death, addictions, gossip, infidelity, the consequences of divorce-- this list could just go on and on.  I just needed to take some time to list a few of my celebrations.

May I learn not to worry about the evil on this earth, and may I learn how to guide others through their storms and prepare my heart and soul for my own!  Oh, to be more like HIM!

1 Thessalonians 11-12
Stay calm; mind your own business; do your own job. You've heard all this from us before, but a reminder never hurts. We want you living in a way that will command the respect of outsiders, not lying around sponging off your friends.