confessions of uneasiness

Recently a very wise friend introduced me to an exceptional book.  Thank goodness it's a quick read, because it's given me the opportunity to reread it a few times; each time reflecting upon different facets of my life--this book has spoken so boldly to me it's left me feeling uneasy. 

Main Entry: uneasiness

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: self-consciousness

Synonyms: awkwardness, embarrassment, uncomfortableness

The book discusses how we have several "you's" within us.  As I was reading, several people came to my mind as I critiqued and analyzed the connections I made.  Again while reading, I critiqued and analyzed the me that I truly am.  Is the real me differnt than what I project to others?  Is the real me different then who I used to be....uggg yes!  Am I absolutely striving to be the "me" that I want to be?
I've admitted many times that I'm not the mom I thought I would be.  In some ways better and in others worse.  As my boys wrestle from dusk to dawn I grow weary and impatient and wonder why this has to be so dang hard?!? Am I the most uplifting and encouraging wife I want to be? I give my friends advice that I don't even follow myself. Am I always true to my word like I want to be?
 I don't always behave the way I want to...again, so dang hard!

Here is a verse that became an anchor to me back in highschool......still working on this!

Romans 7:19 (The Message)
17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

Alligning my behavior with the "Me I Want To Be" will maximize my potential...I've got to do this!